THIS I BELIEVE- the fictional tied with undeniable truth

 Religious Deconstruction is defined as the taking apart of an Idea, practice, tradition, belief, or system into smaller components to examine their foundation, truthfulness, usefulness, and Impact, as Rachel Evans wrote in her profound Novel “Searching for Sunday: Loving, Leaving, and Finding the Church” is-taking a massive inventory of your faith and tearing every doctrine from the cupboard and turning each one over in your hand. Deconstruction was the process I only had the chance to experience after living with a Religious family member for 3 years after the passing of a Childhood Friend. I quickly learned how Religion settles into the crevices of your wounds and both heal while simultaneously infecting. I witnessed how conveniently faith soothed my grief and how subtly it clouded my Critical Thinking and the pursuit of accuracy. Now, I can say proudly, that God and the Christian Gospel are nothing more than a pacifier for those who seek Philosophical Truth, and this; I believe. 

To start, In 2017, my Childhood friend, Sophia St.Amant passed away in a brutal ATV accident. She and I were close growing up because our moms went to college together. I was 11 years old so my parents decided I move to Austin to live with my Aunt Nora, who’s a certified therapist and works in Social Services, but what they failed to mention is how extreme her religious ideology became after the 2016 Presidential Election of Donald Trump and the PseudoScientific methods she had for treating my bereavement. I was vaugley familiar with the nostalgic environment, Including the Precious moments figurines she and my mom collected as Children, and the old english lacey tablecloth that decorated every surface, The Hobby Lobby Italisized Scriptures hung on the walls, the Stack of Sermon VHS tapes from the 80’s and early 90’s, and the Victorian Parlor Organ that has belonged to our family for a handful of generations. My Aunt Nora lived alone, she was married once but divorced sometime in 1997. My Aunt believes, Donald Trump is the resurrected version of Jesus Christ and he knows God because he speaks with Honesty and Deep love for his Country. I knew I didn’t agree with her political stance but I agreed with everything else, I don’t feel she “shoved it down my throat”, and I never once felt any less welcome in her home, but she offered help and I accepted it, whether that was out of obligation or genuine hope, I don’t know. I began to attend Church dutifully and her friend’s bible study club where they discouraged me from ever mentioning Sophia because according to them, It would serve me better to “fixate my heart on the Lord” 

As a matter of fact, I don’t remember ever grieving for Sophia because immediately after integrating myself with my Aunt’s lifestyle I was encouraged to use “Christ’s love” to fill the hole deep inside of me, where Sophia once fit perfectly. But I do remember wondering how they’d use “Christ’s love” to cure the rest of life’s afflictions. My case of loosing a loved-one is vehemently mild compared to others. My first steps of deconstruction began occurring when I realized there is no possible way the Bible is God’s word becuase the Bible was written by people, secular people I might add. Therefore, The Bible is not his Word, just a bunch of people that claimed to be wiser than the other. And that allowed me the space and competency to deconstruct the rest of what I learned by living and Studying with my Aunt for 3 years. It wasnt until the Pandemic of 2020, my family decided I needed to come back home for quarantine. I went from not ever praying before to memorizing the Common Chrtistian “Our Father in Heaven” prayer, and “the Morning Offering” which sometimes echoes through my mind to this day. 

Since, I have collected what I consider “Bulletproof evidence” that the Bible or what many consider the “Good News” can be easily corrupted and is fundamentally conditional to those that preach the Bible. According to an Essay on Apologetics and Biblical Philosophies, President Thomas Jefferson was so dissatisfied with the Bible that he wrote his own, commonly known as the Jefferson Bible. A typical claim is President Thomas Jefferson was so disturbed by this admixture of dross with the gold, that he edited a condensed Bible with the dross removed. This fallacious argument is based on appeal to authority (argumentum ad verecundiam). Thomas Jefferson’s alleged dissatisfaction with the Bible should be no more significant than Adolf Hitler’s views of the Bible in influencing our position on Biblical integrity. It turns out that the claim that Jefferson questioned Biblical integrity is controversial. Indeed, it has been pointed out that Jefferson was a Christian, and that “his intent for that book was not for it to be a ‘Bible,’ but rather for it to be a primer for the Indians on the teachings of Christ.” This provides Reason for my Belief that Truth according to the Bible is subjective. I Believe truth should not be subjective but based on absolute fact. 

Despite this all, I would never take back my experience with Aunt Nora. who was a truly caring and loving Woman even though I disagree with her beliefs now. I admire her still and visit her for holidays. She encourages me pursuing my Philosophy studies in college and has offered advise in getting Reccomendation letters and publishing my writing pieces. Although I’m no longer a Christian, I celebrate Christmas and Easter. I’ve grown so much because of those experiences and I’m forever grateful I was not “Saved”. I believe we all have a truth to discover, but those truth’s tend to differ. My version of “truth” will vertaintly be different from everyone else’s. I may even consider your truth to be problematic or wrong, as same may consider mine. That Truth being, God and the Christian Gospel are nothing more than a pacifier for those who seek Philosophical Truth, and this; I believe.